The Treachery Called 'Testimonies'
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I have always imagined the Bible verse in alternate reverse psychology especially the part that says… “Touch not my anointed” – and what it would look like to land a heavy slap on Kumuyee or Ademan or one of these vulturic screeching creatures from Sahel and Kalahari desert where there’s minimal human life. 

One heavy slap from hands stained with hot oil accompanied with small thunder and lightning.That type of slap that brings stars into the optic nerves sending waves of painful, gruesome rhythmic music to the brain as it close off and secretes hot tears.

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In my formative years, I heard alot of lies masquerading as testimonies to the glory of God. People who have never held a microphone in their hand and thought it was ice-cream would find a story – give it a plot and dance or sashay their big-round behinds like Jezibel of yore to the altar- sharing super stories : a life of pain and suffering…

Notable amongst these lies was what happened way back in Deeperlife’s camp meeting many years ago under the caption “Power as of old!” – they painted the round big ball of rice like a magician with all forms of awesome powers!

My Mum and Aunt was sucked in deep into the breathing fanatism mashed with unbridled, unabridged gusto and cravings like a junkie needing his steady bite of good wisdom plant!

I grimaced and looked on. The movie was far from sizzling but it was worth my time as my innocent mind twisted and twirled in open revolt.

People started shouting that a woman was in a wheelchair and they were pointing close to a direction that I had a vantage view. The screams fly louder. A charade. A mad sound. A noise. Disjointed souls in hoely synchronization – chanting the songs of the dead caught up in a mental turbulence as voices merged and cacophony of noise was beyond rational understanding.

I stood noiseless like a mannequin!

Dazed at the shambolic show of human craze as religion laced mind into redundancy.

Many of you have at some point given out lies as testimony in churches. My mother of blessed memory went to her church to say that God gave her son unmerited favor by granting him admission into the University of Nigeria,Nsukka. What if I told her that it was my Umufukundum that serviced that appointment?

Aside the fact that I rubbish the entire church routinal activities openly for the past five to six years. I am also saying unequivocally that “testimonies” coming from these Pentecostal churches should be treated with a pinch of salt. Like every basic business or enterprise, the testimonies and endorsements are “necessary reviews” which enhances sales and encourages more patronage.

A young man specifically lost his life because he stopped taking his medication. He was actually suffering from HIV contracted at birth. His doctor was furious because he thinks he would have lived longer if he didn’t discontinue with the routine check up and administration of his drugs.

Some illness don’t require miracles.

You live with the consequences and manage the outcome. The young man followed “church people” with their proselytizing scheme; attractive gibberish meshed with sugary words and anecdotes and was lost in the stack.

These useless “men of bugs” must have told him that he was healed and must put God to test by completely disassociating with his drugs. The church as far as I am concerned have lost total relevance and application in the scheme of things especially in Nigeria.

Furthermore, we must understand again,that our medical insurance, drugs and medications as well as the progress made in this important part of life is for our own benefit. It is to prolong our lives.

The progress made in this field of human endeavor is for our own benefit, I repeat.

Don’t test your God by listening to this senile psychopathic elements creating more problem for the people of God in the name of deliverance, prophecies and instantaneous healing.

By Chiemelie Onyeka Michael